A lot of people have told me I inspire them to lose weight. Because I did it the “healthy” way and love myself, people say its admirable and impressive. I’m not talking about just the people here on tumblr, I mean in real life too. Two of my friends have asked me if I could be their personal trainer, crazy right? I said no, because I can’t focus on other people’s weight loss all the time if I’m so focused on mine. Yes I know, pretty selfish… but that’s not the point.
Everyone tells me I look great now, but that means nothing if I can’t see it. You’d think if someone loses 47 pounds in just 6 months it would be pretty noticeable for them, but not for me. I always want more, I want nothing but trying my very best. I do not want mediocre results and if I know I’m only trying a 99% of what I can do, I’ll get extremely mad at myself.
Since a lot of people have asked for advice about confidence, self love, healthy mind and attitude I have to tell you right now that I’m being a hypocrite and I do not follow the advice that I give. I can give you advice on how to control your portions, how to exercise, how many calories does a meal have, etc… You get the point. I feel like people expect me to be all bubbly and positive when it comes to losing weight but that’s not me. I still cry when I look in the mirror sometimes, I get mad at myself for eating too much, I avoid going out with friends so I don’t overeat, I get in a crappy mood when I don’t lose weight for a week and should I say it? Some days I even think about trying a stupid diet like the atkins diet even though I know I’ll gain the weight back. My logic = non existent. So now you know, feel free to unfollow if you’re as disappointed as I am right now. I’ll understand and I apologize for being a hypocrite. I’m trying to change because I don’t want to live like this, I think nobody should.
I relate so much. When I was a junior in high school, I lost sixty pounds from April until September. I was a pretty healthy person at first. I would exercise for an hour or so a day and eat smaller portions. Soon enough, I reduced my intake from 1200 calories to 1000 calories. Then from 1000 calories to 800 calories. In the meantime, I began exercising for up to two hours a day. Soon enough, I had an notebook in which I frequently counted calories. When I quit my job the following January, I found that notebook in my work locker and it contained calorie totals usually around 500 or 600 calories, with notes that said things like “too much” or “you need to try harder”
People around me were so proud of me, but they couldn’t really imagine how obsessive someone who tries to lose weight can get. I remember hesitating to diagnose myself with anorectic tendencies and instead called myself orthorexic.
The truth behind any person who loses a significant amount of weight is that they often become compulsive. I’m seeing the same patterns even know. I exercise every single day for a minimum of 40 minutes, otherwise I feel deeply perturbed.
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luckyambition reblogged this from acciohealthylifestyle and added:
relate so much. When...lost sixty pounds from April until September.
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