In which I can only upload photos through my iPhone app. get it together, tumblr.

My parents ordered a vegan cake for graduation.

I’m graduating in t-minus 10 hours.

Jon, 5’8
Erica, 5’7
Myself, 5’4 and a half.
Lindsey, 5’2
Connie, 4’11

I found her twitter last year after googling her and then totally forgot about the whole thing. Earlier, when I was trying to buy something from Katy Farina’s website, my browser history went to her twitter instead and one of her automated tweets was that she added a video I made to her Youtube playlist. That’s not creepy at all, or anything. I mean, granted I didn’t like her my freshman year (understatement of the year), but then again, who I am now doesn’t like who I was freshman year either. It’s just a bit unnerving to know she still watches my videos. Girl, our drama was three years ago, please move on and stop being scary. Grazie.

From my 90 year old great-aunt:

“Roxanne, because it is not easy to have a puppy in your future apartment, so you can have me for now, and you will have no problem about feeding me and etc. - Snoopy”

35.2 pounds have come and goneeee.

When my mom and dad got their MBA, I bawled. At my high school graduation, I tapped my foot impatiently. Well, congrats to my ASU friends! And my ceremony? It’s a week from Saturday. Maybe, I’ll get more excited as the day looms closer.

I’m nervous about my capstone presentation.
I’m nervous about my portfolio. I didn’t go to the gym today because I was working on my portfolio and I still don’t know if it’s good enough.
I’m upset that my hair has mysteriously become two inches shorter in the last year, without reason.
I’m disillusioned with the 32 pounds I’ve lost, because even though my clothes are looser, my face is getting rounder and rounder (and why is that?)
I’m anxious about dinner tomorrow, because I’ll be eating guacamole and crust, which is high-fat central.
I’m mad that I didn’t just go the gym last night.
I’m concerned that my capstone is going to break my major 4.0 GPA.
I’m wondering how the hell am I going to get a job after graduation, if the organizations I apply to are expecting experience and education.

And all I can sit here and think about is how I just want to go back to severe calorie-restricting. I don’t want to purge. I don’t eat enough calories at one time to purge, but calorie-restricting? At the prime of my former life, I was pretty damn terrible to myself.

I want to drink buckets and buckets of ice water until I’m sick. Isn’t that what always happens? I’ll get to a restaurant and unconsciously drink so much water that I feel the need to purge.

Recovery sucks. I’m a better person for it, but all I can really think about is how I fixate more on the calorie counting and the purging now than I ever did when I was purging after every B on an exam or paper.

Can I just be valuable: smaller, smarter, and brighter?

It had a meltdown after printer 75 or so pages. I think I’m out of ink, and if my capstone professor doesn’t think I’ve been thorough enough… well, that’s on him and not on me.

I adore my friends, my family, and confidants, but I’ve become so disillusioned lately. I tell my friends how I feel about certain problems, all the while feeling like a terrible person for complaining in the first place, and then they just can’t seem to communicate what I want to hear. Then again, I don’t even know what I want to hear. They try, they really do, but it’s just not enough. I could tell a licensed worker what is on my mind, but I have such terrible trust issues that I wouldn’t be able to tell this stranger anything without feeling severely self-conscious.

My capstone makes me want to purge for days and I haven’t even eaten today. I am so tired of the lectures about how we’re ungrateful for our education. You’re wrong. I’ve contributed over 1000 hours of community service in the last three years, maintained a near-perfect GPA, worked hard at both of my unpaid jobs, and have had several leadership roles. I am not ungrateful. Neither are my peers. If we want use our cell phones, so be it. And I really hate it when the wealthy elderly critique youth from their comfortable pedestals.  You don’t know us, so don’t judge us.

They want me to go to graduate school, so I can finish my education by 22. I told them I’d go if they pay for it, and they became offended. They think I’m naive, but honestly they’re idealistic if they think I’m going to pay 20,000 to get my MA without a good reason.

I’m ready to graduate, but even though I’ve worked so hard in the last three years, I’m still concerned about the lack of careers available at the moment. It’s not really fair that I went into college in a deplorable economy and will be leaving in an only mildly better one.